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  • Toska Kouskos

A Faith Journey of Celebrating Life

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.” - Acts 17:24-25

We had been married for four years when we tried to conceive. We were both in our second marriage, and at the time my husband, Harry, was a father to three boys from his previous marriage and I was childless. We had just made the decision to try for a child. We were positive and very excited for the future. One day, a Godly lady approached me with a prophetic dream she had. In this dream I was disappointed for struggling to fall pregnant. She shared that in her dream, the Holy Spirit showed her to tell me that “everything happens at His appointed time”. I learnt that God prepares us for whichever faith journey He is taking us on.

One year later of still trying to conceive, yet without any success, we decided to visit the doctor. We were in shock at what the doctor said. We were told that there was only a five percent chance of conception. We were devastated. We were angry, we cried, we prayed, and we waited. There wasn’t much else we could do at this point. Sometimes we stopped praying, but thankfully others around us continued.

I recall one time when I said to my husband: “No more going to the front for prayer, no more laying of hands on me, enough now! God knows my desires and He must meet me in the pew.” In these moments, we stopped praying, but still, the others continued!

I learnt that within any journey of faith that you are on, there are many, much smaller lessons, tests, and miracles that come along with it. In this way, God’s faithfulness is continually reinforced as we have a short memory.

One of my dear Christian friends, who come to me with good intentions, tried to convince me to try for fertility treatment. (This is a very personal choice and could be different for every person.) My husband had peace over our decision that we should not go for treatment, but I didn't have the same peace as he did. I believe that on our biggest desires, the Holy Spirit will speak to me directly––He always does. I asked Him to speak to me, and He did. A Godly lady, who had absolutely no idea what we were going through and who I hadn’t had contact with in a year, sent me a word from Deuteronomy because it ‘just happened to be on her heart’

“See now that I myself am He! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.” - Deuteronomy 32:39

Thank you Jesus––I had peace! It was our personal choice. We were not going to go for treatment. (It is important to reinforce that this could be different for another couple. My advice is to allow yourself to hear God for yourself, for your situation, and you will have His peace.)

Another, very important part of our journey was that we had to arrive at a place of Daniel 3:18–– and oh, dear reader, what a place that is! It is a tough prelude that ends in such a place of peace when the revelation comes.

“If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” - Daniel 3:17-18

This was the single, most profound moment of our faith journey. We had to get to a place of “but if not”, Toska, will you still believe that I am the great I AM? It is so much easier to write these words down than to experience them! “But if not”, will you then bow down to other gods? You know, gods like the gods of self in the form of resentment, the gods of bitterness, and unbelief? Perhaps the god of self-pity? A person who gets Daniel 3:18 does not ask "why me Lord"!

More than two and a half years into our journey, we discovered that I was pregnant. On this very day, the Holy Spirit dropped the following scripture in my heart: Isaiah 46:3-6.

“Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob, all the remnant of the people of Israel, you whom I have upheld since conception, and have carried since you were born. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. “With whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?” - Isaiah 46:3-6

We often speak about this and I have made a scrap book for Olivia about the journey we endured. (We received so many prophetic words that I haven’t mentioned here.) I continue to pray that one day she gets her very own conviction about this miracle and about the fact that she is a woman with a purpose ordained by God. We cannot out-do God! At the age of six, the first verse she memorized at her school was Psalm 139:14––how incredibly faithful is God! It is as if I could see the Father smiling saying, “You see, I AM”.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” - Psalm 139:14

Today, I look at Olivia and have to remind myself that she has not been stopped by the limitations of the natural, but brought about by the possibilities of the supernatural. We are all on our different journeys of faith. And if you are still reading this, I would like to conclude with five practical tips from what I have learnt on our journey, hopefully it will encourage you:

  1. Journal. God speaks and prepares you often for what is to happen many years later! It is also a good reminder of His faithfulness.

  2. Request prayers from others. At one stage, we were carried through by the prayers of others.

  3. Don't listen to everyone’s opinion. Choose the legitimate, godly voices in your life and listen to them. If you are unsure, make it a matter of prayer.

  4. Often the journey is about getting to a place of experiencing, not knowing, but experiencing, God’s sovereignty. For each person, this is different, however, I believe that every journey of faith should trigger a “But if not” revelation. Daniel 3:18.

  5. I believe that even if God does not give you what you want, He honors your faith. I got to a stage when I was worried about whether I was trusting for the right thing. I learnt that what was more important was that I was trusting. We had faith. I believe God honors that and He rewards faith. Hebrews 11:6.


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