The story of East meets West, Lebanese girl marrying a Welsh boy, began in 1998 on a trip I made to Dubai as a young PR account executive working for a multinational agency. My company sent me to the UAE for two-week training at our Dubai head office, that ultimately changed my life! I was 21 years old and was eager to grow in my career and gifting. Matt was a Group Account Director and I got to know him over the first few days, he was charming and kind.
During those two weeks in Dubai I got to know Matt as a colleague and a friend and we talked about everything under the sun, especially God. I remember Him telling me that He had not spoken about God in a long time to people socially.
Two weeks later, I head back to Beirut and at the airport with my super protective Dad, I tell him, Dad, I met a guy and I think he is the one. To my Dad’s surprise and with His bass tone voice, he said, we’ll talk about this later!
In our early courtship days, we’d see each other for a few days every three to four months. We used to use the internal agency mail to send our love letters and cards. It was a really special time and all our colleagues would speak about our relationship as a beautiful love story.
I remember us having conversations about the possibility of getting married one day. If we get married, we used to say, how many kids would we have and what would their names be? We always wanted to honor our Dads and so the name James Edward was our choice of a boy name. As for a girl name, I loved Jasmine and the smell of Jasmine flowers and so that was our name for a girl. We later added Joy to it, Jasmine Joy after we lost Matt’s mom to cancer a while back.
As a newly married couple we agreed that the first four to five years of our married life, we would just travel and grow in our careers and just enjoy each other. I remember we were so worried about falling pregnant when we first got married that we made sure we had protection because we both thought we would get pregnant straight away and that was not what we wanted.
In 2004, my period did not come on one of the months and I am regular and have never had issues. I think I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. So, I went for a check-up and the doctor said, the hormone indicates that you are in super early pregnancy but I cannot see anything. She gave me hormones and asked me to wait for a few weeks. During that time, I remember going to my pastors Mike and Charmaine Eltringham during one of the prayer meetings, and I asked them to lay hands and pray for me. We did not tell anyone as the doctor could not see anything yet. But this was the first time we both were aware of the possibility of being parents. I remember Matt kneeling and speaking to my tummy on our bed. It was so precious. Two weeks later, my period came and the doctor said, it could have been ectopic pregnancy or was just not meant to be as she could not see anything in the womb.
Fast forward another few years, we start trying on and off, not wanting to put stress on our relationship, we agreed as a couple that we will enjoy each other and have fun and not cause each other unnecessary stress. Back in our early married life, I remember us having this clear conversation where we talked about the possibility of not having kids because maybe one of us might have a problem and that we were both okay with it, as our marriage meant a lot to us and we had each other.
In 2006, I had my period and I continue to spot blood for a whole month. I went back to my doctor and did some tests and she found out that I have had a super early miscarriage. So that was disappointing but at the same time, I was glad, or at least I thought, my system is working then!
Although our careers were quite hectic, we travelled a lot and were fully involved in the local church, we both truly started desiring kids but asked God for a bubble of grace!
I remember a few ladies at church who were trying and could not conceive, would be so upset when other women got pregnant. I even had a few experiences where one lady told me in passing that they are pregnant while I was not!
I remember in one baby shower one lady gave me such a hard time when I shared my words of encouragement for and expecting mom, that how could I know, I was not a mom. So, because of these incidents I was resilient and determined to live in peace, joy and have lots and lots of grace! I did not want to be bitter, I did not want to have all these emotions running wild every time I attended or organized a baby shower! So, there was one thing we asked God for, more grace. I personally asked him for a bubble of grace. I wanted full protection of my mind and emotions. I wanted to just enjoy the journey and trust that He is totally in control.
This bubble of grace was so tangible for us as a couple. We celebrated those who were pregnant, we prayed for those who were not and trusted for breakthrough for them. We saw many conceive over the years. It was a remarkable experience! Dare to ask Him and He will blow your mind away!
Many people prayed and prophesied over us over the years to conceive and that was so encouraging to receive all these words and stand on the promises of God.
I remember my language started to change from “when we are going to have kids” to “if”. If we have kids, I’d tell people and I remember Matt would always correct me and say, when we have kids! That was such an important comment. To keep speaking life and keep believing.
A significant event that changed my life completely was an encounter with God during a Heide Baker event in Dubai either at the end of 2008 or in 2009. On the second day, Heidi preached on the love of God. I remember her saying, even if they want to kill me, I will still love them because Jesus loves them! That really touched my heart. Her awareness and understanding of the Father’s heart was profound. As she prayed for the love of God to touch all who were at the conference, I fell on the floor and felt a thousand bolts of Holy Spirit electricity go throughout me from head to toe! And as clear as I could see with my own eyes, I saw in my mind’s eye a picture of a daisy that I used to doodle all the time in my childhood. This simple white daisy was on a white paper with a bit of yellow inside. I then saw this daisy on a small piece of paper appear in front of me with a black background so it was the only image I saw. It was cut in half, then in quarter and then it disappeared. I was shaken by that. I said to God, this was my daisy, my life, my dreams. What is all that about God?
Then as clear as it can be, in my inner ear, as if it was inside of me and not outside. Jesus told me, if tomorrow Matt dies, will you still love me? He said it again, if tomorrow Matt dies, will you still love me?
That was such a hard question for God to ask me. I thought I have always surrendered Matt but I realised I haven’t really. With lots of crying and what felt like forever, I finally said yes to Jesus. If it was only you and me Lord, I will still love you. He then said to me, lay him down at my feet. Surrender him at my feet. And I did.
Jesus did not stop there! He then said to me. If you never have children. Never. Just you and me, no one else. Will you still love me? Wow! The emotions and tears that gushed out at that questions were immense. Again, after lots of tears, I said yes Lord, I will. If I never have children, I will still love you. He said to me, lay that desire at my feet. And I did.
And so, it continued, if your Dad dies, will you still love me? My parents and family are so precious to me. My Dad is an older Dad. He had me at 42 and so I wanted him to always live until he was 100! So, by asking me this question, God knew how important it was for me to have my Dad around. Again, I cried and said yes Lord. I will still love you. He said to me, surrender him at my feet.
His last point was big too! If your home, your life, your ministry, everything that is you is gone. There is only you and me, nothing else and nobody else, will you still love me? Goodness, I felt there was nothing left. I had given Him everything but I needed to say yes and I did. He said again, put it under my feet, surrender it.
Then the most incredible Daisy appeared! It was multi-dimensional. It was hues of orange, yellow, purple and vivid fuchsia! The paper was no longer a paper but like a sculpture! I heard Jesus say to me so clearly, as you surrender ALL, I will give you a life that is greater than you can ever dream off or imagine! WOW WOW WOW was and still is my response every time I think of His open vision, His heart for me, the way He communicates, if we only let Him.
When I was a child, every time I closed my eyes, I’d see eyes of people. Just their eyes. Old, young, all backgrounds, culture groups. It used to frighten me a bit and I would not understand why I was seeing all these people’s eyes.
After that Daisy vision, God showed me the eyes again. Hundreds of eyes flashed infront of me. He said to me, these are the people you will meet and will speak of my love for them! WOW WOW WOW!
How incredible is this God, who knows us by name, know loves us, who speaks destiny over our lives. Who brought something from my childhood to speak into my future. He is a brilliant, remarkable, exceptional, profound and beautiful Abba Father. No adjectives I have can truly speak of His might, power, kindness and love. There aren’t enough words to describe Him!
And so, the bubble of grace we asked for got even stronger and our surrender of all to God was so tangible.
We had many mini honeymoons trying to conceive and we had such a wonderful time but nothing happened.
We had an incredible holiday around 6 years ago where we drove through the South of France from the boarder of Italy to the boarder of Spain staying in the most beautiful places. We started to dream again for us as a couple and as individuals. We dedicated one morning a week to simply sit with God individually and allow Him to speak into our dreams. I had a dream notebook and I asked God to remind me of the many things He had put in me and is birthing in me. It was such a refreshing season. Matt would encourage me to produce! Not only to dream big with God, but to do something about it. Even with our health, we became more aware of what we ate and we just lead a healthier lifestyle. We lost weight and got off sugar, which I truly believe was part of God’s plan to restore not only our heart’s desires but our bodies and give us a new lease of life.
A friend of mine in ministry mentioned IVF to me in my late 30’s. She asked me, what if you regret not trying IVF? That stayed with me and when I turned 40 I thought to myself, I need to try IVF as we are not conceiving naturally and I don’t want to regret never trying this avenue. And so, I told God, Lord, if you are in it, I need joy, I need to laugh about it and it just has to feel right.
Matt and I were like children, the meeting with the doctor, the clinic itself, we just took it so lightly. Some aspects of the whole process were so surreal, we’d laugh about the process. The clinic was right next to our house then, so I could go every day to the clinic for my injections. I laughed with the nurses, I prayed for some, I joked around. Everyone thought I was from another planet. I was actually from another Kingdom!
It was easy, I felt God’s grace and the whole experience was special. I worshipped more, prayed more and our time as a couple was so special. The good thing about the IVF clinic is that they did full tests on us both and found that there was absolutely nothing wrong with us both. That actually gave us so much courage and so much hope. The nurses and doctors would say that we were an easy case and it would be easy to conceive. But I remember the main doctor told me, ultimately, we do everything we can that we know through science but it is ultimately up to God for things to work out.
The day came to see if I was pregnant after so many more injections and unfortunately there was no pregnancy. The doctor told me, it does not always work, it might be my age and I should keep trying.
I left that place grieving, despondent, hurt and feeling let down. I said to God, why did you make it so easy? I thought this is how you would fulfill your promise? I cried for a whole day and I felt incredible pain in my womb due to the many hormones they had pumped in me. But God is so gracious and Matt is an incredible friend and husband. I wiped my tears, I thanked him for His goodness and I chose life. I chose to believe and to accept that this was not going to be the way, that He had a better way.
A few friends who we had asked to pray with us during that process, felt to say to us later that they felt this was not going to be the way God would take His glory.
We had thought of adoption but never a release, tried to conceive naturally but it was not happening and now IVF was another avenue that we tried but it did not work. I felt and still feel all these three ways can only be possible through God! He ordains the time for your miracle. Never underestimate Him and His ways. His way and His timing are always perfect!
Fast forward a year on, the seed of having another IVF was still in my heart and mind and so I asked Matt, how about we use more of our savings and do another IVF. The doctor said I was a bit old and I needed to do it a few times. Matt said to me, no! Let us instead spend that money and go for a long road trip to America and enjoy ourselves!
And so, we booked a one-month holiday and off we went to America in June 2016. Matt did the most exciting road trip plan and we jokingly called it, wait for it, yes…” THE CONCEPTION TOUR”!
Wonderful friends called Tom and Una Tapping told us this years ago, God’s eleventh commandment is THOU SHALT HAVE FUN! And truly this is and remains one of the values of our relationship, have fun and don’t take yourself too seriously!
Our trip was going to be a visit to New York and Washington DC then a flight to the West Coast for a lovely road trip across California then long drives to visit the Grand Canyon through Las Vegas and another trip to visit Yosemite. Our plan was to end our trip in Redding attending a conference at Bethel church and then to make our way back to Abu Dhabi via New York.
We think we conceived either on the first day or second day of our holiday in New York! After walking for ten hours from Harlem to Central park and back followed by some great Italian meatballs and a stage show! Had to include these details for the fun of it.
I had always asked God to reveal to me when I would be pregnant. I just had so many disappointments and false alarms that I just needed to know. So, in the middle of our trip we were at the Grand Canyon. We visited the Canyon at sunset on the first day and then woke up early for a sunrise experience. It was only us at the site and a German couple with their little boy whose first birthday was on that same day.
They left and Matt was taking pictures at one corner and I just raised my hands, worshiped God and closed my eyes as the sun was just rising. As the sun hit my eyes I saw in my mind’s eye an embryo in my left eye with a heart beating. I jumped. Is this you Lord, I said? Could this be it? I did not share it with Matt. I just did not want him to be disappointed again. I just had to wait to make sure.
Matt was teasing me throughout the trip with funny things but for some reason, he hit a nerve that made me so angry that I actually slapped him in the face! Just to clarify, I have never slapped Matt in the face and this is so not my nature. Matt was of course taken aback and thought to himself, okay, this is new, could she be pregnant?
At the conference, they share a video testimony of one of their worship leaders who could not have children for 13 years and then conceived. She shared her journey and her victory story. Paul Manwaring, who was then leading the meeting, said after the video that he would like to pray in faith for couples who are struggling to conceive. Around a dozen couples stood up and as he was praying, he said, I feel some of you here are pregnant but you just don’t know it. Matt just grabbed that from heaven. He cried out to God in his heart and he said, God I want this for us.
We had a fantastic time in Bethel and after a full week of God encounters and new friendships forged, we started our journey back to New York.
In New York, Matt had booked the Waldorf Estoria as our final treat for the last night before we flew back home. By chance, the hotel was sold and was in operations for the last two weeks before all the renovations started. So, for an affordable amount, they upgraded us to suite. That day we went walking around the hotel area and I told Matt that I had missed my period and was feeling a bit strange and so would love to take a pregnancy test. We bought the test and I headed to the hotel room while Matt went for a walk.
As he was walking down the avenue he saw a taxi with an advertisement on top of the car for citi bank saying “Make it Here”. He felt this was a prophetic promise from God. Meanwhile I have done the test and was waiting for the results and saw the pregnancy line! I was so excited but did another test! And again, it showed I was pregnant! I was so full of joy!
Matt arrives to the hotel and as he walks by the gates he sees the Wardolf Estoria’s logo where under it the tag line was written “Where Stories Start Here”. That was Matt’s second confirmation from the Holy Spirit that this was happening. He knocks the door of our room and as I open it my face and tears are enough. We embrace and sit down and pray together, thanking God for His goodness and His loving kindness.
We were so keen to involve people from the beginning to pray for our baby and so we let everyone know that we are pregnant and in faith we were not afraid of a miscarriage but were trusting God for a perfect child.
Our little boy James is now 4 years old and is just a joy and a delight. He has travelled to 15 countries, loves maps, nations, trying different food, art, sport, reading books, music and building things. He is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. He is truly a sign and a wonder and now I know why it took God a long time to bring him to this world.
God redeemed the time. I am 44 and Matt is 53 years old. We have always dreamt for our lives and we dream big with God all the time but with this boy in our lives, we dream even bigger.
We serve such a generous, kind and loving God. His timing is perfect, His promises are yes and amen and He will do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20). Keep the faith, don’t give up, speak life and continue to trust Him for His perfect plan for your life.
We are trusting for Jasmine Joy still!