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  • estelleloehmer

Your Heart’s Desire by Natalie Swart

In early 2011, I had to visit the hospital for the removal of an ovarian cyst. When I was out of the operation room, my doctor informed me that the cyst had burst and destroyed one of my ovaries. I was also informed that they had found Endometriosis, which is a very bad diagnosis as this cuts my chance of having children in half according to the doctors. I was advised that if we wanted to have children, we must start trying as soon as possible. I was distraught as Andy and I were engaged, and we had planned to wait for three years before we had children. Andy was amazing––he said that he wasn’t marrying me for kids, and that he was marrying me for me. This was such a relief because I thought he might start having second thoughts about marrying me due to my diagnosis.

We got married in December 2011, and waited three years as planned––we put all our faith in God. In 2015 we decided that it was time. I reduced my anti-depressant meds––which is another testimony on its own––and we started trying for a baby in August. In May 2016, I had my first miscarriage at eight weeks. I had to go for a D&C operation to remove everything. It was terrible. We were so excited to be pregnant, we had told everyone when we found out, and then we had to tell everyone that I had miscarried.

We waited three months and started trying again. In June 2017, I had my second miscarriage at seven weeks, but at least they did not have to do a D&C this time. My heart was broken and Andy felt terrible to see me going through this pain, again. We didn’t have to announce this miscarriage as we only told close family that I was pregnant. I was unable to talk about my miscarriages without tearing up. Just looking at other women who were pregnant was so difficult, never mind talking to them! When I walked past baby shops, I would look the other way. My heart was completely broken.

In December 2017, God healed my heart. I was in church one morning and couldn’t stop crying––I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. Some of the elders prayed for me and God revealed that He is healing my broken heart. The next morning it felt as though a load had been lifted from my shoulders. I began to talk about my miscarriages without feeling like my heart was being torn apart. Andy and I stopped trying to fall pregnant and we just put it in God’s hands. We made peace with the fact that we may never have children.

August 2018 came, and I had a positive pregnancy test. Andy and I were happy but, of course, we kept things very quiet as we knew that nothing is certain. At thirteen weeks we announced the pregnancy to family and friends. We were still slightly uncertain but we kept trusting God. In April 2019, I gave birth to a healthy, baby boy. Two years later, we have another son who is five months old.

God always knows the desires of our hearts.


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