Things I didn’t know after quite a few trips around the sun...
I didn’t know...
That not everyone gets pregnant easily.
I didn’t know...
That finding out I was pregnant the first time would be such a big surprise and that we would be so super thrilled, over the moon happy.
I also didn’t know that having a miscarriage would be so earth shattering – my soul was broken.
Nothing will ever tear you apart like hearing “I am sorry there is no heartbeat”
Miscarriage, a silent suffering – it’s a tragedy and a part of my heart will always be in heaven.
Walking this journey has opened my heart to many emotions I never thought I would experience.
Somedays it just hurts and it's totally out of your control.
It's questioning everything you thought you knew...what is God trying to teach us?
Why did he pick us to be on this journey that quite honestly somedays feels like torture?
When will this season be over?
When will it stop hurting so much?
It's the exhaustion of walking through a weird season of grief day in and day out.
It was so hard that I decided never again am I doing this – IT IS TOO HARD and I was scared.
But being me I love words and this is one of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Meyers.
“You might think courage is the opposite of fear, but its not. True courage only exists in the presence of fear, not in the absence of it. Faith is the opposite of fear. Faith and fear cannot exist at the same time in the same mind. Which one you nourish will determine which grows stronger. And the stronger one will win.
Fear pushed but I pushed harder.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
A year had passed, we found out that I was pregnant. With Twins. Some days I can still not believe it. They were born healthy and perfect and filled a space in our hearts that we didn’t even know existed. They are now sleeping like angles after they turned the house upside down in about 5 minutes.19 Month olds have a lot of energy!!
God understands the cries of our heart, even when they’re too deep for words
Romans 8:26
I see you my friend if you are standing in the back of church barely whispering the words of each song, while fighting back tears, desperately clinging to the lyrics and praying, "God, help me believe this".
I see you if you are putting on that smile – just so that everyone else is ok and their world doesn’t get filled with your heartache. Because you don’t want to burden them.
This season of life is HARD friend. Walking IN the Valley and sharing about it is hard. I hope you know you're not alone. I see you. I'm walking this journey right alongside you.
God's got this, I know He does and even on the hardest days. I'm praying for you sweet friend!